The Raid-
You raid with these people. You work with these people. These people are closer than your family. You should worry.
The GM- He’s sacrificed his health, friends, and probably a couple of jobs to drag you through new content. When the guild isn’t performing, these decisions are in question. Prone to shooting sprees, forum flame wars, and the rapid advancement/gearing of whatever toon the guild “needs”. If you can keep your mouth shut, he’ll go emo and quit before you get gkicked. Still, you do like the guy. Or did. Before he went crazy. See drunks, below.
The GM's Significant Other- Okay, so he was going to have to quit but he tricked his SO into playing. She loves it. She's terrible. You'll effectively 53 man every boss. Count on loose adds in the raid, every attempt. She plays a Drakkin.
The Raid Leader- When you break mez, he dies a little bit inside.
The Heir Apparent- When the GM goes psycho, ninjas the bank, and gdisbands, you're the guy the guild is gonna look to to to fix the mess. You see it coming. You can't decide if ritual suicide or being the new gm would be more painful.
The Positive Officer- “That was great. Just great. You know, only 5% of guilds have even made it to Zi-Thuuli, and getting him down to 67% on the second attempt is hawt.” See Stoners, below.
The Negative Officer- “Jesus Christ why are the adds running around!? It’s Plane of Time for %@*@s’s sake. STOP BREAKING THE DAMN MEZ!” See Drunks, below.
The Healing Officer- Has this job because, as the newest officer who plays a healer, he’s stuck with it.
The Magician Class Lead- Will tell you that it does actually require skill and preparation to play a magician well in the end game. Lies frequently.
Metermaid- He's got parses running. Always. Asks for parse postage whenever he's in the top 5, which is rare, as his focus on the parsing program is preventing him from seeing the broken-mezzed add running at him. Pulls aggro. Has yet to realize that 0 health returns 0 dps. If he's healing, you might as well just put him on raid, he's gonna heal them anyway.
Stratman- Has read every strategy on the entire internet for every boss. Unable to think critically. Knows where his talk key is. Hated by the officers. Likely to play a ranger or druid. If this is also Chick With Accent, below, guild will probably collapse.
The Gay Guy- Affects the gay accent for effect. Upgrade decisions tend to involve lengthy discussions about gear appearance. Learned to use the armor dye function before how to make hotkeys.
The Stay At Home Mom- She’s around children all day and craves adult conversation. Babbles incessantly in vent, forgetting that adult conversation doesn’t usually begin with, “So I was talking to (insert name of four-year-old child) and he says…” Well liked, but frequently muted.
Mr. Mikeless- Has a microphone. Hears the conversation and directions. Once wiped the raid because he started talking and most folks alt-tabbed to see who the hell was speaking. May be your best player.
The Kid- So, you messed up on this guy’s interview and nobody noticed that he was 12. But, he can play. And if he gets a little bit excited when boobies are getting talked about? Hey, he’s young.
The Backbone- Plays a tank. Doesn't have much to say. Made an error once in Plane of Earth, or so you heard. Will disconnect when OMM is at 30% and keep aggro while offline for the rest of the fight. Has never said anything negative to the healers. Ever. GL with your progression without one of these. Hates the prima donnas.
The Other kid- Remember that accountant you interviewed for the ranger position? And how you wondered how he’d make time to raid during tax season? He couldn’t. His eleven year old daughter took over about that time. She’s been raiding since.
The Monk Who Doesn't Do His Homework- Always good for insightful commentary and clever observation just after a wipe. "Holy Crap Man! I was just standing and attacking and the mob killed me! When did they add mez to the game?" (Immortality's noob cousin)
The Most Devout- This is the guy who gets to play a class not usually needed in a big-boy raid. He's the berserker. He cannot believe that some fate is letting him have this much fun that he's afraid it will all come crashing down. Prays devoutly to his favorite diety that the guild won't collapse because he'll never have THIS much fun again. Ever.
The Drunks- The core of your guild. As raid progresses, their voices in vent are getting just ever so slightly slurred. You don’t notice because you’re trying to sound sober yourself. DPS output seems to scale positively with blood alcohol content.
The Stoners- Quietly wiping raids since the beta. They really, really, really hate having to stop attacking to avoid breaking mez. Two of them are dead after every fight. They live in fear of the negative officer. They have their own channel. Try /join (insertguildname)stoners. You’ll see who’s in there. It’ll explain a lot. Still, if these guys don't show, bosses don't seem to actually die. They’re also having more fun that everyone else combined.
The Prima Donna- Requires special attention from management. Constantly whining. Plays some vital role. Might be a main tank, cleric, or shaman. The officers really hate this guy and as soon as they can find another tank with 24,000 buffed HP, he’s out. Not a stoner.
The Chick with the Accent- Is the accent fake? Nobody knows or cares. Future visits to Australia/Britian/New Zealand/Alabama are now planned by all single raid members.
The Departed Legend- You joined after he left. You suspect that he could not actually solo anguish. But you're not totally sure.
The Disgruntled Raider- Took an unannounced, extended vacation and now has to share his raid spot with the other 11 extra dps. Very angry about this situation. Doesn't realize that ##@#*ing is making things worse. Officers pray for a him to disband.
The Mage Whisperer- Directionally challenged. Despite having run Plane of Fire 1.26 million times, will require a summon over the wall from the entrance. Has a "summon pls" macro. See (you guessed it) Stoners.
The New Guy- Begins most sentences with, "That's not how we did it in my old guild." Likely to remain guilded for approximately one week. You wonder if he'll be tellign his next guild, "In my old guild, we ran BROKE MEZ."
The Backup-He's the guy waiting in the wings for the raid slot. Totally dependable and plays about 200% better than the guy for whom he's filling in. He's got half the gear and puts out 20% more dps. Totally cool, amazingly competent. You love it when the main can't be there. Likely to be a multiboxer.
So, which one do you fall into?
Your raid members
Moderator: Officers
Your raid members
Mynks BeenieBabyofDeath
Some nomes never die, they just become deaths playthings.
Some nomes never die, they just become deaths playthings.
Re: Your raid members
Not actually an officer but I spose this one is closest to meMynks wrote: The Healing Officer- Has this job because, as the newest officer who plays a healer, he’s stuck with it.
There is no right or wrong, there is only a path...
Re: Your raid members
Hallick!Mynks wrote:The Backbone- Plays a tank. Doesn't have much to say. Made an error once in Plane of Earth, or so you heard. Will disconnect when OMM is at 30% and keep aggro while offline for the rest of the fight. Has never said anything negative to the healers. Ever. GL with your progression without one of these. Hates the prima donnas.
Vexo.Mynks wrote:The Prima Donna- Requires special attention from management. Constantly whining. Plays some vital role. Might be a main tank, cleric, or shaman. The officers really hate this guy and as soon as they can find another tank with 24,000 buffed HP, he’s out. Not a stoner.
Fucking MEMynks wrote:The Departed Legend- You joined after he left. You suspect that he could not actually solo anguish. But you're not totally sure.
Me in 3 monthsMynks wrote:The Disgruntled Raider- Took an unannounced, extended vacation and now has to share his raid spot with the other 11 extra dps. Very angry about this situation. Doesn't realize that ##@#*ing is making things worse. Officers pray for a him to disband.
There are no atheists in a hen house.
Sounds about right - bugger I am an afk warrior now hrrrm.The Magician Class Lead- Will tell you that it does actually require skill and preparation to play a magician well in the end game. Lies frequently.
"Looks like Maz was right.. - Thoraf"
"Looks like Maz was right.. There can add me to your sig! - Kofn"
"*sigh* 'the maz is right' strikes again! - Zurt"
"Have you noticed that nobody who thinks 'Maz is right' still plays? - Melo"
"Now Melo doesn't play! Cursed! - Fny"
Well known from those who know Suzuko and I hahaThe Drunks- The core of your guild. As raid progresses, their voices in vent are getting just ever so slightly slurred. You don’t notice because you’re trying to sound sober yourself. DPS output seems to scale positively with blood alcohol content.
And then theres Dantrags...
The Stoners- Quietly wiping raids since the beta. They really, really, really hate having to stop attacking to avoid breaking mez. Two of them are dead after every fight. They live in fear of the negative officer. They have their own channel. Try /join (insertguildname)stoners. You’ll see who’s in there. It’ll explain a lot. Still, if these guys don't show, bosses don't seem to actually die. They’re also having more fun that everyone else combined.
i dont think the name the backup fits him, but dont know olly pops in my head when i read this!The Backup-He's the guy waiting in the wings for the raid slot. Totally dependable and plays about 200% better than the guy for whom he's filling in. He's got half the gear and puts out 20% more dps. Totally cool, amazingly competent. You love it when the main can't be there. Likely to be a multiboxer.
Astanto is the Metermaid.
Followed closely by Zurt, of course.Metermaid- He's got parses running. Always. Asks for parse postage whenever he's in the top 5, which is rare, as his focus on the parsing program is preventing him from seeing the broken-mezzed add running at him. Pulls aggro. Has yet to realize that 0 health returns 0 dps. If he's healing, you might as well just put him on raid, he's gonna heal them anyway.
An astute observation, hmmm...
Vexo... of course
Ast
Who's posted more parses in the forums than just about anyone else?Metermaid- He's got parses running. Always.
Who nagged me to post the combined parse for third phase in Time the other day, minus the guardians, after they'd been AEing the whole time?Asks for parse postage whenever he's in the top 5, which is rare, as his focus on the parsing program is preventing him from seeing the broken-mezzed add running at him.
Who leads the summoning list for just about every raid?Pulls aggro. Has yet to realize that 0 health returns 0 dps. If he's healing, you might as well just put him on raid, he's gonna heal them anyway.
Vexo... of course
Ast
Pfth, you are just trying to divert the attention from yourself, Metermaid!Astanto wrote:An astute observation, hmmm...
Who's posted more parses in the forums than just about anyone else?Metermaid- He's got parses running. Always.
Who nagged me to post the combined parse for third phase in Time the other day, minus the guardians, after they'd been AEing the whole time?Asks for parse postage whenever he's in the top 5, which is rare, as his focus on the parsing program is preventing him from seeing the broken-mezzed add running at him.
Who leads the summoning list for just about every raid?Pulls aggro. Has yet to realize that 0 health returns 0 dps. If he's healing, you might as well just put him on raid, he's gonna heal them anyway.
Vexo... of course
Ast
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