Gripe sheet.

[sazxus]

After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form,
called a 'gripe sheet', which tells mechanics about problems with the
aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems; document their repairs on
the form.

some actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS' pilots (marked with
a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance
engineers.

By the way, UPS is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an
accident.



P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit
S: Something tightened in cockpit

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute
descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search

(I love this one!)

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

And the best one for last...

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget
pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.

[lionhearth]

Thanks for a good laugh!

[Aamasie]

hahaha

That was a good laugh.

[Vexo]

Awesome

[Golgolath]

LOL

[Suzuko]

I want my hammer back!